Confessions of an independent woman 2: Settling down

I strongly believe that the older we get, the tougher it is for us to settle down in life. And by us, I especially mean women.

For one, we are getting married late. When our parents were young, they got married at a younger age. They were relatively inexperienced and fell in love easily – mainly because they had no one else to compare their partners with. In a country like India, which still relies on arranged marriages to a large extent, this was all the more important. Lack of experience (and in turn, expectations) made it easier for them to settle for whoever they met.

And now?

The older we get, the more set we get in our ways. The more people we meet, the more we know about the things we want, the thing we don’t. No longer are we looking to make adjustments, settle down or change ourselves. The more independent we become, the more exposure we get – the more we demand from ourselves, our partners, as also from life.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for expanding our horizons and choosing our own pathways in life. In fact, in one of my blog posts, I mentioned just how important it is for all of us to not settle for anything in life – and to ask for the world. All I’m saying is – the more I know myself and grow as a person, the less likely I am to settle.

And why not? We’ve stepped out of our comfort zones to stay away from home, be financially independent and build our careers We’ve spent years educating ourselves and carving a niche in our respective fields. Somewhere, in all of this, life became so much more than finding a partner and settling down.

Fairly obvious, no? Yet, “society” (for lack of a better term, if you will) fails to understand this.

The same society that encourages us to get out of the rut and build flourishing careers expects us to find “the perfect groom” and settle down. Those same people are the ones who meet our parents at weddings and taunt them on not getting us married soon enough. Those same people question why someone at 30 isn’t married yet or why someone at 35 chooses not to have kids. The same society that pats us on our back when we earn a decent living, tells us to quit working as it’s a mother’s duty to raise kids.

If you didn't want us to fly high, why did you let us out of the cage in the first place_.png

I just have a tiny request.

Dear society, please choose one path. Either support us in our quest to become independent and successful and let us do our own thing. Stop judging us. Stop holding us up to your idea of how women should behave. Stop expecting us to mould ourselves a certain way. Stay out of our business.

Or simply stop pretending to do so.

“Don’t expect us to be Alpha females at work but Beta at home. We can be one or the other. Choose.”

P.S. I cannot thank my stars enough for giving me a set of parents who are more progressive than anyone I know. Love you both to bits ❤

To read the first part in this series, click the link below:
Confessions of an Independent Woman

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21 Comments Add yours

  1. Varsh says:

    I love the tone of this post, Sonam. You’ve aptly stated what an independent woman feels and goes through without sounding like a victim. Yes, we should be free to choose whether we want to have kids or settle down. Society can take a hike.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! We should be free to take our own decisions. And thank you Varsh for appreciating the post 🙂


  2. Dipika Singh says:

    For the first time in the life of reading free blogs, have seen a logic behind a feminist kinda post! Lovely take and reasoning, however, this society is a hypocrite and we women are not allowed to ask or raise questions. Glad you kept your point so beautifully.


  3. Our society is full of hypocrites.. and women still are trying to prove their points!! Your post made a great read.


  4. Huma Masood says:

    You raised valid points, Sonam. Interesting post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Huma 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. loved your post and completely agree with each and every word you have penned. #MyFriendAlexa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Shubhra! So glad you agree 🙂


  6. Oh… You have spoken for every woman in the world. Such a profound thought. Loved the last few lines very much. Keep inspiring!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Vasantha! Nice to see you agree 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Completely agree. You’ve presented both sides of the coin well. At the end of the day we need to remember that we too make up ‘society’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, we absolutely are!
      So glad we agree Mayuri!


  8. Ila Varma says:

    I believe that financial independence and marriage are two different things. Don’t lock them together. Study hard and carve a niche for yourself; for yourself & your loved ones and not for society. Secondly, marriage is a commitment of two people who commit to sharing their body n soul with each other. Financial independence takes care of your materialistic needs n marriage completes your biological demands and emotional upsurge. Further, if we delay marriage even after completing the studies n fetching job, it is difficult to settle easily with your life partner, it’s true.
    Why society interferes?
    There is a reason. Years back, marriage was a social responsibility n family, friends n well -wishers helped to get it arranged, now with the change in society, a lot has changed but still the people with old-school concept cannot digest and suggest.


    Liked by 2 people

    1. You make some very valid points Ila.
      I agree that financial independence is different but unfortunately, society often does not give us a chance to become financially independent and force us to settle down – I have numerous friends who were forced to quit their careers as their husbands’ families did not appreciate them working.
      As for society not being able to digest the fact, I completely agree with you on that – a lot has changed since our parents’ times 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Expectations and criticism on women never ends. The words “settle” is differ gigantically for men and women.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately, that is true. It needs to end..

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Expectations from women are never-ending, and the more we bend the more they expect us to. Every rule and responsibility is only for women. Time to voice against stereotypes.
    #MyFriendAlexa #momlearningwithbaby #Blogchatter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely. In fact, I often feel that some of us women ourselves pull other women down – by judging them on various fronts.
      You are right – this needs to end – the world needs to be fairer to us.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. People and society will always be judgemental, no matter what. Well, the best part of being a woman is multitasking. We are all-rounders. Let’s take pride in that. Society can judge all they want. #myfriendalexa #surreads #blogchatter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are absolutely right. Society will judge, no matter what. And of course, we are great at multi-tasking – no doubt about that 🙂


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